Recently there have been a couple of topics, begun by Tenzin and brother cavefish, that did not move in a direction the original poster hoped. This discussion/topic is NOT about judging them but rather about asking a question prompted by these threads.

Simply I wonder what we do when not protected by the safety of a delete button? I have been involved in many discussions and started my fair share of them that moved in completely unexpected ways. Sometime I may have inadvertantly caused upset for a participant in the discussion OR it was me who got upset...

The beauty of discussion of this nature, one that is full of emotion or one that questions our own knowledge/perspective and experience is that it provides us the opportunity to know ourself more as well as knowing our friend, neighbor or Portal comrades. Certainly sometimes the process of this "knowing" may be difficult for so many reasons. In our daily lives off-line we do not have the ease of a delete button and we all know it's not always so easy to just walk away. The ramifications of our actions follow us on line or not.

In this time where computer aided social communitites are growing have the rules for social engagement changed? Is it acceptable to delete rather than discuss, disagree/agree, reach resolution....?

Again I'll state that this thread is not about Tenzins or brother cavefish's threads. I actually was disappointed to see Tenzins thread gone and BC's thread is providing some very useful perspective and information...

THANK YOU, I fully agree,

i did not want to start trouble i just had a idea if I knew it would have gotten this far out of hand i would have deleted it myself , now all it caused was strife and possible division---------------

I appreciate your bringing this up Hawk, because it has been on my mind lately.

I deleted the thread Tenzin started because he had deleted all of his posts in the thread and it had become an "empty" thread, but if I had it to do over again I think I would have left it intact. In any case, such threads are rarely "emptied" because members quote each other and the deleted posts can be seen quoted in other members replies, so most readers can get the gist of the thread.

Many of these threads that end up going in a direction other than the one intended by the original poster often have something to offer. They turn into a topical discussion that has the potential for useful dialog. Even if there is misunderstanding, it gives the members an opportunity to practice diplomacy, to offer clarification, to show respect to each other as they seek understanding--plenty of good stuff can come from them.

brother cavefish, I think you may have misunderstood Hawk. I don't think he is advocating the use of the delete button. I think he is suggesting that there might sometimes be value in NOT using the delete button so freely. I think he is posing a question, not making a statement.

"Is it acceptable to delete rather than discuss, disagree/agree, reach resolution....?"

either way a delete button would be nice, and save alot of trouble

Hawk, this forum is public, so the delete button is always an option. I've been sitting on that thread I tried to post for a long time knowing it had the chance to be either a beautiful thread or one of disagreement and argument. For me I wanted that thread to build into something beautiful and filled with shared ideas that made us wonder...but sadly it quickly moved in a negative direction and for me a quick death is much more preferable than a long slow painful one....

I understand my topic is off limits, taboo in this particular public forum and I can hang with that...

I think it's perfectly OK to walk away from something if it is causing discomfort, that's life...that's what the delete button is used for in cyberspace...

Cheers, Tenzin

the walk away Option is always a good option, and so is the delete button, we have all said something or done something we have regretted in some way or form, and Wished we could turn back time---------- unfortunately time can not be erased but comments on a forum can------------ and should be able to as to not cause strife or division, or hurt to anyone, we are only human and sometime our thoughts are Not well thought out

Tenzin,

I just went and re-read that thread that was deleted (I have a trash can that I can dig through for old posts). You said it "quickly moved in a negative direction", but I'm at a loss to see that. You posed some interesting questions and the members started to give some interesting answers. There was no disagreement, no ugliness, no harsh words...nothing that could be called negative at all. In fact, everyone's replies were polite and thoughtful.

It seemed to be less a case of negativity than, perhaps, a case of people having different views than your own. It is perfectly acceptable to disengage from a discussion that has gone in a direction that you don't like, but to try to remove the thread or to strip it of all of your posts seems a bit impulsive. It also leaves a fragmented thread. As I mentioned in the thread about music sharing, other members have put time and energy into participating in these threads and it isn't fair to them to suddenly flush the thread. I've been feeling that way for awhile, and I've come to the conclusion that as the Admin it isn't right for me to do that to the other members, so for those of you who put in the time and energy on that thread, I ask your pardon for deleting your thoughts and insights.

According to the rules of the new FPC section, this is not true. Your topic was not taboo--it was perfectly acceptable.

IF for anything GEOFF, a delete button is good for double posts

Sorry Geoffrey, each person who replied in that short lived thread said they did not want to talk about it, even the maker of the flute from which the thread was started said there was no reason to discuss it.....

I have no idea why a thread like that should continue, although technically legal, personally it was explained to me (by those who replied) that this topic was not to be talked about...and being in your trash can is a perfect place for a thread no one wants to discuss...

It'd been different had anyone wanted to talk about it...

Please take the word negative out of my equation (change to nothing positive was offered) and accept I'm not ready for a long winded thesis on what's right and what's not...

It's is a taboo subject and I don't want to go there, why upset people for no reason, Tenzin

Keyword, "why upset someone for no reason"--------- WELL SAID, a delete button could alleviate the upset, personally i did not see or read the topic Tensin wrote, but it would appear that HE was not happy with it, I think that counts too, , and Upset goes both ways the presenter and the reader----------if a negative can be turned into a positive let it be-------after all we the writers of a topic should be able to retract , we do make mistakes

with all due respect why dont we have a vote, on a delete button, is that too much to ask and let that vote run for at least a month , just so everyone can have the opportunity to voice their opinions, would that not be fair

Brother, there is a delete button, it's how I got my thread into the trash can, I simply deleted everything I wrote, including the title, but I don't think I have the right's to delete what others said, that's admin's job and in this instance Geoffrey did the right thing.

That thread was a mistake and I had that feeling when I started it, which quickly proved correct...

I made a mistake, I like that, I take credit and everybodies off the hook, it was simply a bad idea to try what I tried....I can admit that, like you said, we all make mistakes, except those who never post anything...

Prone to error, Tenzin

Well maybe this thread is already moving in a direction I did not intend - I did not plan it to be a discussion centered around either Tenzins thread or brother cavefish's topic. Yes I used their names and topic as a jumping off place to discuss something, in my opinion, very different.

My hope was that we could discuss or examine ways that we communicate with each other, how we deal with a conversation when it causes upset, why it is not as easy outside of online social groups to just ignore or delete something we say etc...

For some being on-line is a safe environment where sometimes little thought is given to what is written. We can turn off the computer or go to another forum or use the delete button and all is erased or forgotten. Of course this is not so and even in "real life" one can not simply walk away from a situation/conversation with out regard to consequence. Because we walk away or deny or try to forget does not mean that all involved will forget or not feel - our actions always have consequences...
There have been times in my life where I wish I had a delete button but I can say with out hesitation that I am now happy that no such thing exists in real life - and from my place of looking even on-line forums are real life...

Tenzin I'll take a risk not wanting to offend you but for the sake of understanding...

You mentioned making a mistake by starting your thread (implied). I am sure your reason for feeling this is justifiable but I wonder if having preconceived expectations of how the thread should move might be the culprit to feeling it was a mistake?

I will have to dis-agree about everybody being off the hook. Your topic had a potential to be a wonderful conversation but it was cut short. Certainly there were some people who may not have agreed with you or did not want to discuss their idea of spirit ~relationship ~ flute in an online forum. This is to be expected and of course respected. BUT (not yelling-being emphatic) speaking for myself, I looked forward to jumping in once I had thought and formulated those thoughts so that I could write them and they make sense. For other folks I suspect they too would have jumped in when they felt it was appropriate. So in effect what has happened is that many people had their mouths open ready to contribute and in some way were left to feel or think that what they had to say was not important~in effect it's like being told to keep quiet...so I think no one is off the hook in fact I think some of us are left hanging on the hook....

No way to escape the far reaching consequences of our behavior~just can't be done...

So then we are left to decide how to be responsible~maybe forethought which give us a second or two to decide if we really want to open that door. If we decide to open that door then I think it is important to follow through until mutual conclusion is reached...

Indeed? Did you sense a long-winded thesis on right and wrong looming on the horizon?

Hawk, I can see truth in this... That particular discussion might'a/might not have moved in a beautiful direction. I guess I've simply been on this forum too long and I have seen how these threads can turn nasty...to me that thread deserved to be positive, sadly it headed the opposite way real quick... I had hoped people would open up, maybe had you offered something you could'a saved it, but you didn't and the naysayers tookover...

If you try to bake a beautiful cake and it turns out tasting bad you don't eat, you compost it...and I've seen too many threads go sour, that is until they get to a point where Geoffrey starts a reply with "Well, given your response I expect that there is probably no point in trying to make this clear, but I'll try."

It's too late then, why flog a dead horse...

I didn't want to get to that point, Tenzin

Not in this instance, but I am trying to get to a point where I never have to experience one of those again...

Trying to be better with my words, Tenzin

Hawk, great discussion. I have seen some forums that have a time limit for the poster to be able to make an edit and would advocate for that if available. I trust our moderating team to handle the removal of anything that is offensive or beyond forum protocol.

I think that both of the posts that are being disgussed had great potential to make a contrbution and find it unfortunate that they have been stripped of their content rendering them less meaningful at best.

Ed

Ed, my friend, the replies in my thread were along the lines of "better not to know", so how could that develop into a contribution, there was no contribution, no one wanted to talk about it??? Each reply said the same thing, in different words, that there was no reason to try to understand it...and that was the idea of the thread, to talk about how the unseen (Spirit) exists for each of us, no one, not one person offered anything about what the thread was about, they only told me that it was something that did not need to be discussed...so I took that to heart and deleted the thread before it got to the point of ridicule...

Definately taboo, Tenzin

Tenzin,

Discussions on a public forum are not about everyone agreeing. They are about sharing different perspectives and learning from each other. You seem to think a discussion is "nasty" if someone offers a counterpoint. If you start a thread about "spirit" and the flute, and you get some diverse responses that you didn't expect, the thread should go in the trash?

You were one of the members who lobbied hard for the more open section of the Flute Portal, and now it is here. I would argue that if you start a topic in the "open" section you would also try to be open about what ensues. I just went and read the thread yet again, and there were some great responses. A number of members had something to say, a few felt that it wasn't something that they could quantify, but everyone seemed interested at some level, and everyone was being really nice. I don't think that this particular cake needed to be thrown on the compost pile since clearly some people were still nibbling at it.

"I guess I've simply been on this forum too long and I have seen how these threads can turn nasty...to me that thread deserved to be positive, sadly it headed the opposite way real quick... I had hoped people would open up, maybe had you offered something you could'a saved it, but you didn't and the naysayers tookover... "

The opposite way? You mean "negative"? The naysayers took over? I'm sorry Tenzin, but this seems to be far from the truth. I'm sorry you felt you needed to gut the thread, but I believe that your reaction was not proportional to what was really going on. You obviously felt differently, but I still think it was an interesting and appropriate thread for the FPC.

Not me ... my wife says I'll eat anything -- it's really just because I'm a cheap basta*d (must be the Dutch in me? ) and don't like to waste anything. I've been following this thread closely because it parallels a situation in my online lit classes. Most of what we do is carried out on a discussion board. As administrator, I have the option of allowing modifications to posts or not. I go back and forth on the issue. In general, I like the ability to revise -- that's what writers do. I like the option to correct spelling and grammar or "factual" misstatements -- and to add clarifying thoughts. I never intend that anyone would delete or fundamentally alter their original posts -- though I know they do. For a discussion to work, for learning to take place, we need to leave all our cards on the table. We can always clarify our ideas, admit our mistakes, build on what we've learned in subsequent posts. Part of my goal as a teacher is to get students to reflect and think before responding, not to shoot first then delete.

I can understand where Hawk is coming from. Many times I have opened my mouth before the brain kicked in and man would a delete button have been nice. Hopeful that on those occasions I learned to think before engaging mouth. And I also think I understand maybe you are saying (but could be wrong) that maybe the delete button is being used too much.
I read Tenzins thread before it was deleted, and Tenzin buddy, I am not understanding where you are coming from. I did not detect what you did at all and was finding it an interesting conversation.
Sometimes, as was already stated above, people need to get their thoughts straight before commenting on someting of a Spiritual nature, it's not such an open book to everyone.
IMO there were many other threads that should have been deleted wayyyy before that one, but that's just my opinon, based on what I find of interest or care to read.....
In Peace,
Beth

This particular dead horse was being flogged for the sake of posterity. File sharing is illegal and it is a crime that is being taken more seriously in this digital age. When a member gets on the Flute Portal and solicits others to engage in criminal behavior on a site that I administrate, I'm going to land on it like a ton of bricks. I'm basically going to flog the skin off that particular horse if need be, especially if the member is suggesting that such activity is perfectly normal and that everyone does it so it is therefore okay. I also happen to believe that this law is important in itself and the thread was offering an opportunity to discuss the implications of file sharing. It might have turned into an uncomfortable thread for the member who started it, and they may wish to disassociate from it, but it does not follow that the thread should be trashed.

So I'll take pains to make sure that the message gets across loud and clear, even if the member wants to close their ears to my argument. I might end up offering a long-winded thesis on right and wrong, but hopefully it will be to the benefit of those members who are unaware of the law, or unconscious of the implications of their actions.

I agree, but I'm being told I made a mistake, even though I'm happy with my decision to delete that thread and before Geoffrey points out any more of my mistakes I will take my leave, obviously I am compounding my own errors...

This is just making it worse for me and not only do I long for a delete button but now I want to go back in time and make it never happen...

Sorry guys, me bad!!!

TK

Hey Tenzin..."man-up!" Although I have enjoyed most of your topics and have learned a great deal from you, I have also gotten a sense that you create some of your posts/videos with an expectation about how other people should feel about them. You have used a subtle sarcasm in replying to your own posts when other people did not reply as you have expected them to, for example, doubting the value of the subject matter, or in my opinion, doubting the value of your own self-worth. You also make disparaging comments about those who do not post.
So, like I said..."man-up." If you say it, then stick by it. If other people do not see it your way, than so be it. It's OK if other people don't see things your way or respond how you thought that they would or should. But I don't feel that you should just be able to hit the "delete button" and it will go away and everyone will just forget about it. Just deal with however the thread goes, and drop out yourself if you can't handle it.
Tom

Even within online social groups it's impossible to completely delete something we say. This forum is a little "safer" than many because it appears to be only accessible online - as opposed to other groups where members can elect to have the content emailed to them directly. But deleted threads remain in the memories of those who were exposed to them, long after the thread has been removed from the servers.

On the Portal I've noticed old threads are often reactivated after months of inactivity. This is pretty cool, since some of us are relatively new to the forums and many of those old threads have a lot of interesting information we wouldn't have thought to search for directly. It also means that anything we post can come back to haunt us for a looooong time. It's a very good reason for keeping a cool head, and waiting a few hours before hitting "send" if the topic is at all controversial.

I was disappointed to see Tenzin's thread disappear. I didn't see any negativity in the posts that were made. Just a general reluctance to discuss that particular topic in the way some folks had hoped. I happened to make the last post prior to deletion, and it was an explanation of my own personal reluctance to discussing the original topic. I hope it wasn't taken as proposing a ban on discussing the topic in general. Personally, I was learning a lot from the non-discussion. That in itself was fascinating.

Back to Hawk's "how do we deal with a conversation when it causes upset" question: I join forums like this one because other people have different opinions, and that is how I learn. If we all agreed with each other all the time it would be boring and I wouldn't be reading the posts. Some comments are clearly disrespectful and those comments should be avoided. Maybe even deleted if they're egregiously awful. Sometimes a comment will seem innocuous to most readers, but a few people will take offense in a way that is totally unpredictable from the sender's viewpoint. As long as those comments were generally respectful, I don't think they should be deleted.

In my probably controversial opinion, the one thing we can control in our lives is how we react to stuff. So I don't think most conversations "cause" upset. We each control how we choose to react when a post doesn't match our version of reality. The "upset" comes from within. (Ducking now!)

From my perspective, our reactions are our own responsibility and moderation should be done lightly. I think the Portal moderators are doing a great job. It's not an easy one. Keep it up guys, you're doing well!

Happiness is a choice.

Peace,
Coatlique

,

Tenzin,

I know that I replied to your thread with the intent of making. Apparantly I failed miserably on that account and would certainly appreciate the ability to go back and see where....... Alas, I can't thanks to the delete button.

There is an old expression "you can't unring a bell" . You can of course mute the vibrations with your hand to keep it from ringing out. The delete button does the same thing. I'd rather the bell rang out and have the vibrations go where they will. Perhaps they have to travel a distance to reach a friendly ear.

It surprises me how often a post doesn't gather much attention for whatever reason. Only to resurface some time much later with a new life. Not all seeds germinate at the same rate and mere expectation cannot change that.

Peace,
Ed

You need to read my whole post Tenzin.... and I do not understand where you believe you are being told you made a mistake unless you are talking about your own spiritual guides......
Beth

There is no delete button in life. Life never goes the way we think it should. Trying to make life or threads go our way is really not being very respectful of what others put in to it, in my opinon. Not just the fact that they responded, but that they responded in a way that touched them.

I have been in many settings where a conversation took a different turn and those involved usually come out richer than if it had stayed in the original direction. One person has an idea. Another takes it and runs with it. Then another picks up where they left off and it continues.

I think Geoffrey said - these threads are not ours because we start them. They belong to the community. Two (or three or seven or a thousand) heads are always better than one!

Sure there is ... but like attempts at suicide, self-censorship is self-negating and sometimes irreversible. Better to hit the submit button in life and roll with the punches.

Very good advice, Coatlique.

I've heard this expressed before as an equation:

Outcome = Event + Response

We don't have control over many of the events in our lives, but we do have significant influence over whether the overall outcome following an event is better or worse based on our own reaction to it.

The classic example is getting cut off in traffic and either dealing with it in the moment and moving along afterwards as if nothing had happened OR making hand jestures and fuming about it for the next 30 minutes.

Part of this is also giving others, and yes ourselves, the benefit of the doubt, forgiveness, realizing that sometimes people step on toes totally by accident, sometimes we trip over our own feet, and a lot of times very good people will not see eye-to-eye on many topics.

But on any topic of importance to us, it is informative to see things through other's eyes.

When it comes to posting, I'd add that sometimes just letting our initial post stand is the right thing to do, as tempting as it sometimes is to keep clarifying, responding, or trying to get the last word in. Sometimes opinions can just be opinions and don't need to turn into full-on debates (with winners and losers).

OK- gonna contradict myself here, why not...who better to do that.

I try (she says try) to live by the saying "Other People Don't Have To Change, For Me To Be Happy".

I find email or forum conversations difficult, when discussing anything sensitive. So easy to misunderstand, so easy to be misunderstood, when you are not face to face, watching eyes, faces, body language, felling the other person's "vibes". We often start to feel like we know each other well, after corresponding for weeks or months...but we don't, not really. You only see of me, what I let you see, and vice versa. So easy to get it all wrong, to hurt, to insult, to ignore.

Much easier, for me, to go have a "Rock Star" jam with Semicton, and let the rest of you decide how to run the universe.

The contradiction? I said all that, believe all that....and yet, here I am, posting!

I started that thread with a very personal story, I then realized that I did not want to talk about it either, this has very little to do with you guys, it was an intimate story that I felt was innappropriate to discuss on this public forum.

Please honor my decision to not want to discuss it and Please forgive me for whatever aspect of this deleting issue I am connected to....I made a mistake, now I just ask for forgiveness...

Happiness I got in unlimited quantities, it's my inability to hide my intimate side that gets me in trouble....and luckily, as you say, nobody wanted to talk about it...

Deleted, Toast, History, Tenzin

BC, I did think your post was well timed and I needed the chuckle, but I'm editing my post as to not offend anybody.

I did need the chuckle after this the way this thread played out, but at least I've manned up and apologized....

Maybe tomorrow I will not make so many errors of judgement, Tenzin

I have looked at these last two posts over and over trying to think of a response that would cause more articulate involvment but nothing...

I will say that it would be easy to see these last two post's as being disrespectful and a non meaningful contribution to the discussion but actually I find them to be very telling...

Hawk, I ask you to forgive me for whatever I've done by deleting my personal posts in a thread I was uncomfortable with and have upset you ...!!!

I feel like I should have the right to go back and correct my mistakes, sorry but I feel as small as a guy can get already, please don't make it any worse for me... This thread has already hurt..

I can only agree with everything you've said, I've apologized, what else do ya need, I can't go back in time...if I could, I wouldn't have started that thread!

Simply human to the bone, Tenzin

it has NOTHING TO DO WITH DISRESPECT, I just deleted the very post i now present again with added comments

Honestly I think this thread has run its coarse and I did not wish to continue this nonsense, it has created NOTHING but strife and tension, on the thread and PMs-------------- it is not fruitfull anymore as if it ever was-- I FEEL that the Only reason a delete button will not be allowed is because of Pride
If a delete button was in place this last unfruitful comment would not even be in place and the Assumptions of disrespect would not even be an issue

let us go about the origins and intentions of this place - as far as I thought it was about Flutes
let us leave division, strife and PRIDE to other forums, shall we

Brother Cavefish, this thread was not about you, it was about the use of delete in many area's of our life, not just about a thread on this forum..... nothing to do with pride, strife, division, and why would you even bring up pms? Please realize just because the topic is not fruitful to you, that it is the same to everyone else.
Beth

Er......Ok, Did I tell You Guys about the time I went out to get the Morning Paper and got locked outside my House in nothing but my "Scooby Doo" Underwear? Many Blessings...Robert

thats what I'm talking about

Robert,

deleted

Please go to the very beginning of THIS thread and you will see what I meant. Also, this thread (the one we are reading now) is in the FPC section, I quote:
"Flute Portal Cafe (FPC): A gathering place for fun, philosophy and not-strictly-flute!"

This was not the thread you started in another section......

Beth my friend, you were not named at the beginning of a thread about deleting, just after you've deleted something. For me this started with a pm mentioning that I shouldn't have deleted my thread...then I awake to this...

Gotta stick up for BC, when you're named you're part of the story whether you like it or not. If you guys want to talk about deleting things in your life please feel free to start a new thread and leave our names out of it.

If someone's upset I deleted a thread about flutes and Spirit then it seem's easier to start a new thread with that subject...who knows, I might even have a thought or two...

But this thread included names and pm's, your name wasn't included and you weren't pm'd...

It's deleted, it's over, it's gone...this thread made me feel dirty...

I've apologized, Brother Cavefish has renamed his thread, "I made a mistake"....

Now, can we delete this thread and get back to positive things like Robert in his underwear...

Seriously this sucks to have your perceived errors regurgitated, Tenzin

Can we REALLY delete anything? Doesn't each action carry a (often unforseen) consequence? Should we delete a post that we make if we don't like the way the conversation flows? Will deleting the thread make matters better or worse?

These were not rhetorical questions.

It is my opionion that we can't really delete anything. Once someone has read our post the statement is "out there" even after the scalpel of a delete button has done its work. So what are the consequences and does the delete button make things better or worse?

Perhaps my own experience (with the now infamous deleted thread) might shed some light:

I found the thread before it was completely deleted (obviously) but after Tenzin had scalpeled his own posts. I was able (as Geoffrey pointed out) to piece together some of the flow. It seemed that Tenzin had first posed a thesis about the spirit in the flute and solicited people's personal experiences. Subsequently there seemed to be some sort of vote or survey. The count went opposite to the original thesis. So Tenzin deleted his parts and asked Geoffrey to delete the thread.

Reading between the lines my interpretation was that Tenzin didn't like losing so he quit (deleted) much like a spoiled child (my interpretation...sorry Tenzin but that's really what it looked like to me).

Is this really what happened? How am I to know the thread has been deleted. Had the thread been left intact I undoubtably would have come away with a completely different impression.

So to answer my last 2 questions (and keep this post on topic with Hawk's original theme):

No we should not delete our posts if we don't like the way the thread flows.
Deleting the thread will make matters worse...you can't hide what's already out there and its better to leave all of the information intact rather than hope that "what's out there" will be interpreted accurately.

Art

Wow, the attack continues! I can officially assume my apologies were not accepted as adults would...

I've never used so many sad smilie faces in a thread....

Sorry guys, but I did feel dirty, now I feel like s***....

Today was the first day ever that I didn't feel like playing my flutes because of this bad feeling in my stomach, just because of this thread....

I'd apologise again, but obviously it won't work with this crowd...

It doesn't matter my name..

Ruh Roh

Tenzin and BC, this quote is from Hawks beginning post on this thread.

"Again I'll state that this thread is not about Tenzins or brother cavefish's threads. I actually was disappointed to see Tenzins thread gone and BC's thread is providing some very useful perspective and information...'

This is where I am coming from. This is why I said this thread was not about BC or Tenzin, but the two of you have made it about you. I did not wish to start an argument or a pi**ing contest, but that is where it has gone. My opinoin is ego has invaded here although it will be denied that has happened, and this is unfortunate.
Maybe we all need to go back and re-read the very first post of this thread, several times.
I do not wish to be percieved as attacking, nor do I wish to be attacked, so this will be my last post on this thread.
In Peace,
Beth

Geez...I'm away for a day and I wake up to ...this????
Are you saying that I can't delete something that I may wish I hadn't started or said?
Boy, that puts a lot of pressure on me.
Maybe I should delete what I've said already...does it sound combative to you? I didn't mean to be combative. Or does it sound whiny? I'm not whining. Really.
That's the trouble with an on-line forum...we only have words to use and comunications studies show that words make up only 7% of the total message. The rest is from voice and body language.
So we're dealing with a 93% margin of error here.
With odds of getting it wrong being definitely a more than passing chance, I may want to delete once in awhile if I see that what I intended to say is not what's being read into my words by my fellow forum members. Just expalining doesn't work - look at Tenzin's posts on this thread as he tries again and again to explain, and people just don't get it. Scary.
And did you notice how quickly a thread can go from being a generic discussion to very, very personal? That can be very hurtful to the person on the receiving end.
For all I know...having written this, I may bery well be the next recipient of a cyber zinger!
Pat